How Modern Indian Married Women Are Defining Marriages Today?

Writer: Kanikaa & Nilakshi Garg

Editor: Nilakshi Garg

Disclaimer: All the opinions in this blog are personal.

“Modern marriage can be a spoken vow that breaks a thread or two behind the locked doors which people forget to knock out of habit”

Ladies & Gentlemen, in this blog today, I am going to talk about the fundamentals of a modern marriage through the kaleidoscopic view of a married Indian woman of the 21st century’s digital era. 

There is a life cycle that we are schooled to follow. Yes, we all are aware of it, but let me just put it out there for the sake of it.

So, it starts with schooling, college, the struggle for a job, perfect or imperfect marriage, and finally, the pride, which is none other than the kids. But this cycle repeats itself. That is how a generation is supposed to move ahead, isn’t it?

Though, have you ever thought, what if someone wants to break this usual flow of living life? What if someone wants to achieve something bigger, better, and extravagant in life that does not bind him or her within the predefined cycle? Would it be sacrilegious? 

Well, I don’t think so. By this, I am referring to the notion of living our life according to our demands and wishes. However, keeping country and marital laws as a constant factor simultaneously to avoid any severe conflicts in the middle of the thought process.

 
What Has Changed In The Society For Women?

The social taboos related to the growth of a married woman are changing day in and day out. Even though there is still a more significant part of the society that finds it difficult to accept the real power of a common married woman, I’d rather say we are becoming the leaders of tomorrow. 

These points relate to me as a woman, and for sure, they hold equal importance to all the married women out there as well:

Women are learning to know their voice

Every woman has a voice of her own. No single lady is the same, I mean there is even a song about it by the famous singer, Hailee Steinfeld. Do listen to it, if you want to bring the tigress out whenever you start to doubt your identity as a woman, especially being married and all.

For years, all we have heard about women trying to accept the harsh reality of the orthodox mindset of marriage in India. But for last 20-25 years, this definition of marriage blended with the outspoken woman’s personality like turning a new leaf to the institution of marriage. 

I mean, the ultimate example is I, writing this blog today. And you (a married woman), reading it, from any corner of the world, not just India. Yet, because of the intense conflicts arising in the society by the extremists, now and then, a mass chunk of modern Indian married women is still learning to know the importance of its voice.

The importance of NO; 

The importance of YES;

The importance of never giving up.

It is all a classic lesson for each one of us. I, solemnly, am proud to be a part of it as well. 

 Women are fighting for their voice

Honestly, I am not trying to be a feminist here, but the battle for several equal rights is still a far cry for the most Indian married women. And the strength of the sisterhood is rising above the sky, like the phoenix rising above from its ashes.

It is true that we all have been burnt, in one way or another. Sometimes, we burn our desires, demands; sometimes we burn life’s opportunities to let those close to us run ahead of us. 

We didn’t speak earlier. But now, it’s enough. It’s done. It’s over. 

That has strongly been possible because now a woman has started to believe in another. There is a subtle rise in mutual understanding, affection, and care among us now. 

 Women want to earn their struggle and fight it off with much valour

We, modern Indian married women, are new skin in the market. We are our own invention. This is not a gloating phrase, but is it wrong to say that now married women have their equal work from home opportunities? 

Earlier such opportunities didn’t even think of knocking our door because we were married and had chosen family as the only priority, even while living in the uptown cities like Mumbai, Pune, and Delhi.

So, now we are hustlers, multi-taskers, and so much more.

What Is The Institution Of A Marriage In India?

The institution of the marriage is not limited to a couple only. Families are involved, kids are involved, even the neighbours are connected.

But if we talk about the close-knit relationships, they eventually affect the regular choices and matters of an Indian married couple in deciding the expenses, sorting out financial soundness, and accepting decade-old rituals, even after feeling not be so comfortable about the entire package.

Though, we have to pay respect to our elders and their wishes once in a while to earn the paradise of modern romanticism. It is a ball game of "give and take," truth be told. 

Similarly, I feel that every individual, be it a woman or a man, should be immersed in love, care, and patience, all the while feeling hatred in the middle of sheer disappointments of not being perfect. Instead becoming an average entity to the better half in the circle of marriage. 

It can also be pointed out that marriage is something that some want while some do not. Yet, they are forced into it.

A way to move your legacy ahead

People believe that marriage is the way to take their lineage ahead. But when the visceral importance of two bodies and souls becoming one is not realized, the repercussions of strangers coming together is a bizarre episode felt across multiple suburbs and outskirts often mimicked as villages & small towns in India.

Rise of domestic violence not so silent!

Modernity does not equate that any person, in particular, becomes superior to another. It is defined to bring equality to each partner. But it saddens my heart to see that even today, especially during lockdown in the nation, domestic violence has increased.

A shameless example of one becoming superior to another.

In reality, modern Indian marriages become a plot amidst pandemic situations. Behind closed doors, women are proceeding towards suicides, wanting a divorce, and still tolerating violence like there’s no end – like the worst gut-wrenching feeling ever!

The underpinning for your kid’s childhood might lose its meaning

It’s no doubt that marriage for every woman and man holds a special meaning in life. There comes a stage when the family demands in whispers, hush-hush talks, and far-end rumours. This demand is nothing but for the offspring that even the modern Indian couple is forced to think twice about.

Then family planning simply crashes down the road. But does having a kid solve everything? It certainly does not. When communication between two people tied through holy Vermilion fails, it reaps nothing but the lost meaning of childhood. 

The parents, together as a team, fail. They fail to teach their child the in-depth meaning of love, respect, adjustments, sacrifices, and setting up of goals and becoming the best decision-maker of his or her life. 

Thus, the cycle repeats once again when the kid himself/herself is not going to be a perfect partner for his/her spouse in the upcoming future.

Even though there is no perfection in any marriage, when there is no respect for love and space, there is no space for marriage to sustain, irrespective of the modernity at any level.

Is Singlehood Then The Need Of The Hour? Is Marriage Not Needed Anymore?

To many, it might sound like a celebration because modern Indian married women, as well as our dear single ladies, are:

·       Scared of commitment

·       Are not ready to commit

·       Do not know how to commit

·       Not sure when and for long how to commit

In the midst of their excuses, there comes a time when one of these women considers to have a live-in relationship with a man who she wants to test like in the movie called Luka Chupi, having Kriti Senon and our lovely chocolate-boy of the nation, Karthik Aryan in leading roles. 

I am sure most of you have already watched that humorous movie. It surely turned many stomachs upside down in the bouts of laughter. But there was a subtle hint in the film. 

“The live-ins”

Though, it is a sad fact that Indian parents, societies, and neighbourhoods are not ready for the idea of live-in. 

They do not understand the concept, and who knows how long will it take for it to become the new normal and not just behind the door secret of couples, who might not be married, but pretend to be, for the sake of the society and family.

There are also individual women who do not require any partner and want to spend their whole life alone but are scared to take a step.

They fear that they might be labelled as a social taboo. After all, the suffocation and the nagging of the society is not easy to wash away like the tidal waves lapping on the sandy beaches. The sand here is stubborn and too rooted in the middle of the earth, or our morals.

My Final Take From This Blog On Marriages & Relationships For Modern Indian Women!

The only best lesson is – learn to live life practically.

We all are trying to become modern, be it middle-class or not. Though, I believe, with time, be it Indian marriages, or  any modern Indian married woman, everything and everyone will find their peace and place in this world.

With time, men and women will learn and stop the cycle of torture of being forced with something that they do not want to be.

With time, the modern Indian married women will be free. And those who are not married will choose on their own -- their pace, using their intelligent mind -- if they want to be in a live-in or marry a certain someone.

But this will not happen until and unless we start giving each other the respect of choice... the respect of opinion, and the respect of pride. 

In the end, marriage is not going to be a bounded institution. It is changing, increasing, evolving, and populating like a giant black hole itself.

And the modern Indian married women are triggers for bringing this change for good.

“Even when you have questions about the exact meaning of marriage for a woman, for a man, for a society, for those around us who are not blood-related, remember, the mindset will change, and we will bring it if we put our hearts into it.”

 Note: 

Do not forget to put your thoughts on the comment section below because I am excited to hear your take on this modernity and the institution of marriages!